One Weird Trick To Take Your Beer Obsession To The Next Level

I am not a very talented man, but I am a nice guy with a lot to offer.  Useless skills mostly.  I'm handy on a trivia team but I didn't do too flash at university.  I can lift heavy things but I don't particularly enjoy manual labour.  Thankfully, I do have an uncanny knack for eating, drinking, and being able to read recipes and measure quantities of things - perfect qualities for being a Beer Chef.

I use the term "chef" quite loosely, obviously.  Real chefs have more than two knives, don't use duck shaped novelty measuring cups and generally stay fully clothed while preparing dinner.  Despite this, I have successfully nourished both my wife and myself for several years now.

With my obsession with beer increasing exponentially over the past three months, I've managed to start hiding beer and beer-like products in as many dishes as possible.  While I was once confined to splashing beer on onions (which you must ALWAYS do by the way), I've increased my repertoire to include both sweet and savory beer food.

I've cooked silverside in homebrew brown ale, beef pot roast in 4 Pines Stout, bara brith with fruit soaked in homebrew porter, and thai prawns in homebrew pale ale. I've even started marinating almost everything I cook on the BBQ in something dark, thanks to research that shows beer marinades potentially reduce carcinogens in grilled meat.

The most over the top thing I've done so far in my career as a Beer Chef was to make my own spent grain flour.  The process involved spreading some spent grain (in this instance it was from a stout) on a baking tray and putting it in the oven on really low for about seven hours to completely dry it out.  Then I popped it in a coffee grinder to make flour.  So energy efficient!

With this flour I have made banana bread, and a loaf of rosemary, parmesan and stout bread.  Both excellent if I do say so myself (even if the taste of the spent grain flour was barely noticeable).

The mantle of best beer food I've made so far, would have to go to the Chilli Lime Beer Chicken Wings.  I've made these bad boys a couple of times now and they just make me pop an involuntary boner*.  I stumbled across the Beeroness website (which is the holy grail of beer food by the way) and basically used this recipe with some minor changes.  I can't recommend this shit highly enough.  I usually add a bit more chilli because I'm a glutton for punishment but they are wonderfully spicy, tangy and most importantly - beery.  They usually necessitate being washed down with two or three of whatever beer you used in the sauce too.

While I've considered the possibility that using so much beer in cooking is just an excuse to consume ever increasing amounts of beer without friends and family becoming suspicious, I figure cirrhosis is a small price to pay to be properly fed and hydrated.


*I'm sorry.