Burleigh Brewing Co. Dream Date. A dark brown ale made with several hundred kilograms of plump, juicy dates handpicked by flaxen haired goddesses and gently rolled on the impossibly well-proportioned marble buttocks of Michelangelo’s David before being dusted with bonemeal made of Giacomo Casanova’s left clavicle.
Regular Tinder® users
If you were to describe yourself in two words or less, hopeless romantic is definitely not something that you would ever consider mentioning. Except for that time you read the Buzzfeed Article 73 Ways To Spruce Up Your Tinder® Profile To Guarantee Hooking Up With The Hottest Babes In Your Area and tip number 46 had a gif of cat wearing a bonnet sitting at a table with the words hopeless romantic flashing on the image in comic sans. Despite Buzzfeed’s iron clad guarantee, however, you were unable to hook up with the hottest babes in your area. Or any babes. Ever.
One of your best Tinder® moments came when you were sitting on the toilet at your Mum’s house, where you went to drop off a month’s worth of dirty clothes that you couldn’t be fucked washing yourself and up popped Kathleen from down the road who you’d had a crush on since primary school. You swiped so hard to the right that you further damaged your already cracked touchscreen. Sweet Kathy would be sure to go weak at the knees when she sees your profile picture that was taken that time you went pig shooting with the boys. There you are, kneeling in a field of sugar cane next to a lovely big sow with a stick propping its mouth open so you can see that ivory. 100% MAN.
On the way home you dropped into the bottle-o to pick up several bottles of Dream Date in preparation for what would definitely be a night of brief but intense lovemaking with Kath, the girl dreams are made of.
The delicious taste of malted barley, hops and dates went extremely well with even more malted barley, hops and dates while you waited patiently for Katie to make contact. You were pretty certain that the KFC up the road had started making Sticky Date Krushers now, so that’d do for dinner. No Ultimate Burger Meal this time. Kat is a vegetarian after all.
Unfortunately those Dream Dates turned out to be a little too drinkable and you started getting sleepy and accidently spilled some on your best salmon v neck shirt. By the time Kathleen messaged to say “lol fuck off weirdo” you were dozing on the lounge in your undies as The Up Late Game Show With HotDogs droned on in the background.